A LOVE LETTER TO THE VICE PRESIDENT*
*COMMISSIONED BY THE VICE PRESIDENTOh great one, vice president of vice presidents (but with fewer vices)! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Whenever I am near you I have anaerobic respiration for you take my breath away. You’re so cute you make my zygomaticus muscles contract. You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power. I want to stick to you like glue-cose. I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U. We would undergo a more energetic reaction than Potassium and water. If you were C6 and I were H12 all we would need is the air we breathe to be sweeter than sugar. You must be the one for me since my selectively permeable membrane let you through. Right now we’re just two RNA, but maybe we could transcribe together and become DNA. Let me be the phasor to your electron and take you to an excited state. A little more alcohol will help catalyse this reaction. I could fondle you vesicles while you caress my golgi body. I want to work on your leucine zipper with my zinc fingers. Don’t worry, everyone knows it’s not the size of the vector that matters, but the way the force is delivered. If I were an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.